...

Why?
It starts with that.
Drip, drop and the seal's been broken.
An emotional spout continually creeps open.
Once a float has turned to rapids,
Cascading and building, how did this happen?
Now I'm drowning, gasping for air.
The foresight is blurry and I'm nothing but scared...

And if ya don't know, now ya...no, ya just don't know

It is March 10 and 2 months from this time I will very likely be in Utah.  As exciting as that sounds, excited is the last word I'd use to describe where my head's at right now. I have been and always will be one for new experiences, new places and all they entail...but the grounds for my move coupled with the alternatives I've chose against leaves me feeling nothing but upset.

You see, living in a place where work coincides with play has always been a dream of my for some time. When I say coincides i don't mean to say it's close, or easily accessible...they are instead one in the same. It is in this huge difference that much of my unsettling feelings arise. These feelings have only been magnified over the past couple weeks in my trying to explain myself to others...to no avail of course. That is understandable though...how can I expect others to truly empathize with my situation when they haven't felt what i've felt, seen what I've seen or experienced what I've experienced. I've felt and continue to feel the greatest happiness I've ever known or can imagine. I've seen some of the most beautiful things mother nature has to offer...and I see it everyday. Sitting here writing this is excruciating. I've experienced unparalleled highs, pushed my boundaries beyond my imagination and been as open as I can - all of which has lead to a great expansion of my consciousness and realizing what brings me the greatest joys in life. These things are simple and I love sharing them with others in work. This is a life I've always wanted and if I go through with PT school I'll be leaving it. That burns deep and the anxious pain sucks. The people I know and have met here live this life I speak of. It's not the normal path but it's certainly one where the priorities are aligned with mine. Financial stability and security are secondary to having fun and living life with the intent of doing that which we enjoy all the time. Sometimes I feel like those that are trying to 'help' me in this potential transition can't comprehend such a life and for that I am sorry, I am sorry for you all.

'Make a pro's and con's list...'
'You can't do this forever Nick'
'What if you get hurt?'
'You can have the best of both worlds'
'You'll thank us later'
'You're thinking all with your heart and not with your head'
'You're too smart to not go'

These are just some of these things I've been told recently. The lack of support alone is upsetting to me. What if I bail on school and actually do what I want? Seems like many would be unhappy with me huh? That hurts. I've only had one friend who didn't try to talk me out of doing what I want...school or not. Thank you.

What if being an instructor was lucrative? Would you all be so concerned with my future then? I'd venture to say not.

I'm frightened. 3 years is a long time for someone who's gone through what I have. One week is a long time for someone who's gone through what I have. Anytime is a long time when it's a full-time commitment to something I haven't wanted for some time now.

This is starting to stray and my emotions are scrambling my thoughts every which way. Until next time, I'll continue on this single wide...

A moment of eternity

Yesterday I sat atop a ridgeline in Mount Rainiers shadow. It was Silver Basin, or the beach as we call it. A large open bowl whose nickname is fitting given the endless waves you could ride. We were there to celebrate the life of a lost brother. We burned a blazing fire for a man who passed away doing what he loved last year -- skiing. I was with two of my best friends here and it was naturally a time for some reflection. 'Man we live an awesome life' Justin uttered to Curtis. I couldnt agree more. This was something I would've never known about had I not been as involved as I am now. Moments like this make it so hard to think about a future elsewhere.

We then all strapped in our respective boards and skis preparing to do what we all loved just as much as that man. 'Yee-haws' and 'Ya hoos' were screamed as we barrelled down the hill floating on top of uncountable fillings of one of mother natures miracles.

I was snowboarding.

20 foot cornice drop to the softest of landings.
Surfing the snow anywhich way I decided followed -- slash, splash and power through!
Jump, air, grab, stomp and ride away!
We came to a near vertical chute...when in doubt point it out.
'Deep Breathe' as my heart raced, here we go!
Going from what felt like 0-60 I dropped the chute and the rush left me smiling wide
this is just ONE small example of this life dude...

This is it...

A 2 month HIGH

It has been some time since I've sat down to write here, but the stream of thoughts and ideas in my head have been flowing on. A lot has happened since my last blog post and it would be difficult for words to do all these experiences just. I can honestly say the last 2 months have been the best of my life. I've been living in the shadow of Mt. Rainier, the Queen of the land, along her veiny, root-like appendages. Here in the Cascades I have found myself constantly challenging myself on multiple levels. Interests I could only live vicariously via others' words, pictures and videos have become more a reality for me. Moving forward I will try my best to paint a picture for any one out there who may be curious as to what I have been up to. That will take some time. For now, here is a simple list of things I have done over the last 2 months...no particular order...just a list of things that have taken me to unprecedented levels of happiness for me in my life...

-Being on my snowboard...every single day
-Backcountry riding
-Backflips
-Scaring the $h!t out of myself on a regular basis
-3 black-eyes in a 6 week period
-Broken nose
-Shredding Pow
-PaRRtying and stuff
-Sharing a passion with others
-Winning $42.50 in a foot race outside the tavern
- Channeling my inner ninja
- D.I.F.T.S.
- Trying to adopt the NIKE mantra as best I can
- Bottle dancing
- Laughing uncontrollably
- Dual-boarding
- Teaching a ski lesson after not skiing for 10 yrs
- Feeding off the Mountains and their bounty of goodness
- Stepping outside my comfort zone, and then wandering around outside as much as I can
- Working hard, playing harder

There is so much more to this list and over the next few weeks I'll try to piece together all that I have taken from this amazing experience thus far. Thanks for reading y'all. Until next time, send 'er

10 days to live, 10 days to L-I-V-E

So with the impending apocalyptic doom a mere 10 days away according to the ancient Mayans, my mind can't help but wander...

What if? What if you had 10 days left on this earth? This is the only life I am certain of, so if the sands of the glass were falling I'd do my best to make the best of those days. For numbers sake, this is my list of 10 things...my end of the world bucket list. If nothing else, it's fun to think about and help you realize what's important to you, ya feel me?

1) Quit my job - If you've been following I actually did this last week and I'm moving to Crystal Mountain, WA this weekend...which brings me to my next...

2) Head to the Mountains and RIDE - I can honestly say that snurfing powder on my board is the greatest feeling I've ever felt. As fresh as the pow, that feeling would need to be fresh in my mind.

3) Joga Bonito - My first and enduring love would have to be played out in its final act. A full match of my 21 closest ballers. My fellow huskies, my fellow patriots, JPSC Fire crew, fens pick-up crew...you're all invited! Tikki Takki, let's keep it beautiful.
4) Get pitted - I would channel my inner Bodhi (R.I.P.) and go to La Push. And I would stay out in the chilly Pacific until I caught a wave. It's something I've always yearned to do one day...this would be the day.
"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz and I'm fine." - Jeff Spicoli. I have a feeling the dude's right...

5) Bungeeeeeeeeeee - Skydiving the summer after I turned 18 was a liberating experience. Free-falling for minutes from an airplane thousands upon thousands of feet in the air was an amazing feeling. It is a true leap of faith, though, and that is why I gravitated towards doing it. I trusted my life, my one and only, in the hands of a complete stranger. I had faith in my fellow human and being able to let go on that level was extremely liberating. That's what was extreme about it. With 10 days left, I think a bungee jump would be in order to implore similar feelings. 1-2-3 Jump!

6) PaRRty - We'd have to get weird one last time. Big paRRty...yes with two Rs..Jared Allen style. You're all invited!

7) Give, give and give - I try to do this pretty regularly, but with limited time the effort would be put forth that much more. There are so many out there less fortunate than ourselves. No matter how bad your situation may be, there will always be another's who's worse. Seattle has a large homeless contigent and I'd make a point to get out there and make sure some of them were fed well before
$h!7 hit the fan. Spread it.

8) No holding back - Being blunt and open eludes many of us at times, myself included. Why though? If you feel something, say something. There have been too many situations where I've found myself withholding things I've wanted to say or do for the sake of...well I don't even know. Fear? Nerves? With 10 days left I would let it all out.  It may come out as verbal diarrhea and stink for a bit, but that smell will soon subside and everything will be all good. It all comes out in the wash, right? Stay true.

9) Say 'I love you' - I would tell anyone and everyone I loved that I did. Love is a beautiful thing that is inexplicable via words but it's expressed in so many ways. I would be blunt and transparent with this one and let my loved one's know that I love them - they have and always will mean more to me than I could ever let them know.

10) They reminisce, they reminisce - Me, my dudes, some 40s and a stoop. As our surroundings were crumbling before us that is where I'd want to be - sittin' and sippin.' That's what it is all about...these experiences, this life...doing it up with my brajs. 


(Side note, I am convinced there was some dude who got stuck with the shizzy job of carving and painting out this calendar into a tablet. This dude was no superhuman and he got tired...hung up the ol' hammer and chisel...'No one's gonna read this thing anyway right?'

Happy Wednesday brothers and sisters. Think about the most important things in your life. Think about what you've always wanted to do. Think, think, think. Then...

NIKE!!!

Oh s@#$ what was I saying?

Friend of mine posted this video and it's too funny not to share. I also found it fitting given this historical day in Washington.

'I'm really f&*^ing frosty right now...'

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlxkcewBEe0&NR=1&feature=endscreen

YOLO?

Day 2, 3, 4 Shred 12/1-12/3

"There are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely - or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrosy demands" - Oscar Wilde

Two weeks ago after a Friday at work I snapped. My boss was untrusting, I was sitting at a desk for much of the day, and quickly learning that larger Rehabiliation companies were too money driven. The Medicare system in place lends itself to making decisions that hover that line of morality. I did not like the direction my superiors were pressing to be taken. My only motivation to stay involved in the Health Care world at this point was for my ambitions to go back to Physical Therapy School next year. All my applications were stamped, sealed and delivered, though, so I was more than ready to get out. At this point I was continually self-evaluating and beating myself up for not doing some of the things I have been yearning to do. So on that day I reached my threshold, the one we are all familiar with, and I made a call. A friend's mom had worked at Crystal Mountain, so I asked him to see if she could help me out in any way. It has been a dream of mine for some time to be working in the Mountains for a winter and this was the time to give it a full-pledged try. She gave me her friend Alec's contact information and told me to call him ASAP. I called just in time as Alec informed me that Instructor Training College (ITC) was one week away. We had never met before, but Alec knew me as the commentator for the soccer games the fall before and found me to be pretty entertaining (Nice to hear I'm not just humoring myself all the time...) Good first impression, ha! He then gave me the names and contacts I needed to get in touch with. After much pestering on my part, I finally got an e-mail I never would have thought I'd receive.

"Hello ITC Snowboard Candidates, We are really excited to meet all of you this weekend.  Training to become a Snowboard Instructor at Crystal Mountain Snowsports School starts...

BUT!!

"Unfortunately, our Snowboard sign ups are lower than average.  As a result we will not be able to hire all of you.  We are going to make a selection who will carry on with the rest of the training on Saturday afternoon after the riding portion of the day..."

12/1/12 YES! The excitement was laced with anxiety as the pressure was on. I needed to shred and just be as transparent as I could. Driving into the lot, snow was falling and I went into the day thinking 'Hey, no matter what I get to ride for free today and that's SWEET!' I eventually found out they were to take only 8-10 of us 25 to work. We all rode, shared good stories, and quickly bonded as a group. Even though we were all 'interviewing' for these jobs we all were like minded - we were there to rip over the snow. That common ground was more than enough for us all to get along and have an awesome day out on the hill. After a day of  good shredding, laughs and warm-hearted brajing out I sipped a well-deserved beer with a new friend Nick. We guzzled down some of Yakima Valley's finest, then went to the Yurt to see the list posted for those who would be instructors of Snurfin' 101. Scan...Scan...Scan...NICK LANGELOTTI...the creases of my mouth reached their respective lobes and I was CHEEZing hard. Nick made it too! Needless to say we were both stoked!!! We went to meet our instructors afterward and figure out the details for tomorrow. It was then that I got some of the best news of my life...

'Hey dude, so the reason we asked you what you do for work is we were wondering if you'd be interested in full time?'
'Heck yea dude! I came here looking to put myself in a position to make a decision like that.."
"Well...you're hired! We can get you all set up in the dorms on the mountain here and make it happen"

I couldn't believe it. This is was literally a dream sneaking its way into my reality. I called my friends and had to let them know. They knew what it meant and any experience shared is that much better. Stoke was high! It was dark now, but I was still glowing as I walked to my lodging for the weekend - Hotel de Subby (back of my Subaru). Sure enough there was some paRRtyin' going on in the parking lot and next thing I know I was a part of it. My instructor Curtis was there and tossed me a beer and opened the circle right up. The nights progression then went as such..
Parking lot sesh --> chili dogs, beer, whiskey passings (to celebrate my coming on full-time), shhhmokkaaa de boooollll (Washington...the everGREEN state), shenanigans, non-stop laughing, magic mike, channing tattum, Cheeeezzzzz bar, andddd TUT on the floor. With all this, we still managed a good nights sleep!

12/2/12 Next day -- it was basically a continuation of yesterday but with smaller group. Freezing levels had dropped below the base and it was snowing again pulling into the lot. Welp, I knew this morning I was going to get my bowl of white wheaties for sure! For the first few hours we all just rode hard. There was some training to be done so we went over the basic progressions for teaching others. I am psyched to take the basic template and make it my own and hopefully spark the passion in some other young'ns!
The day eventually came to a close and it was another great one. Before leaving Curtis and Justin tried to convince me to stay...
"Dude, you ridin' tomorrow, you can just crash here again? We're gonna get shit donnnnneeee"
I thought it over very briefly...'HECK YEA'
I needed to get back to Seattle though to get a jump start on the quick transition that was going to happen in the next couple weeks. I sent a teaser text to my boss saying I wasn't feeling well and that tomorrow wasn't looking to good. Feeling bad, though, I still got on my computer and made sure staffing and scheduling was OK and the clinic would run smoothly the next day. Then I called my friend because I knew she had off on Mondays and would be up for a midweek day on her planks. As expected she was all for it and we were sent to leave early in the AM for what was to be an EPIC day.

12/3/12
Andddddd it was snowing again entering the parking lot. The snow levels looked like they had dropped even lower as the trees heading up the access road were peppered with white goodness lower down then the day before! We got on the 10th-ish chair and the mountain was pretty empty. Today was  gonna be a good day. We took our first lap in the steep trees right under the lift and it was nothing short of liberating. This is why I called in 'sick!' I never thought Sunday River's corny line 'when a sick day becomes a SICK day' would happen but it had! Every slashing turn I found myself temporarily blinded by a wave of white and powerfully floating through each one was the most sublime feeling I can imagine. Welcome to the white room! Many, many, many, many pow pounds followed on the lift ride up...I couldn't get over it. This was it...

Curtis and Justin finally gave me a buzz at 10, even though they had assured me they'd be up and get first chair. 'Dude, you thought Saturday night was rough...we went a little too hard last night...meet us at the bottom of Chinook!...you ready to get shit done?"
It had to start now...bottoms up!
They took us on some gnarly terrain - steeps, drops, cliffs, chutes, spines...
'Justin, that's the gnarliest line I'd ever ridden...damn that felt good!'
'Haha sweet man! You just wait...I'm gonna make you piss yourself...just remember if nothing else just point it down hill and hold on for a bit...you're all good!"
This was the day.
One of the last laps was as memorable as the others and it was well deserved. Off-loading from chair 6, it took us 30-45 min of traversing and bootpacking to get to the Southback backcountry. It was worth it. Coming in and dropping off the cornice the landing was soft as ever and I was surfing. Charging down the mountain with big wide open turns I felt free. Then we popped into the trees a bit..some were avoided...others ravaged in my path of destruction. AHHHH!!! The lap came to a close and we headed up one last time (making sure not to call it). We gave each other a look and used our respective telepathy to communicate that this would be the last one. I was spent. She was too.

And that was that. The period at the end of the day...actually the exclamation point because well...it was that kinda day!

12/5/12

Reflecting on the past weekend, I am so excited for the future. I realize I am still going to have to work. Being an instructor isn't going to be easy or glorified babysitting...but anything you want to do is worth putting in the time for. So here I go...into a new bit of unknown...a new challenge...and I cannot wait to CHARGE through it. Let's get shit done. YEAH!