Don't Stop

Forcing his body to rise by pushing down on both knees the man looked out and said, "Best we keep on moving, we're burning daylight."

Here's to HOPE Van the man...because without it, this world would be just too hard...


"Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
My, my, my, my sweet thing
And I shall drive my chariot
Down your streets and cry
Hey, it's me, I'm dynamite
And I don't know why
And you shall take me strongly
In your arms again
And I will not remember
That I even felt the pain
We shall walk and talk
In gardens all misty and wet with rain
And I will never, never, never
Grow so old again..."

                                          Sun Dog
                                          Wasatch Mountains, UT

Nick Langelotti on Dog Leg Chute approach,
Crystal Mountain Backcountry, WA

p: Grant Davis
                                                 
               

...

Why?
It starts with that.
Drip, drop and the seal's been broken.
An emotional spout continually creeps open.
Once a float has turned to rapids,
Cascading and building, how did this happen?
Now I'm drowning, gasping for air.
The foresight is blurry and I'm nothing but scared...

And if ya don't know, now ya...no, ya just don't know

It is March 10 and 2 months from this time I will very likely be in Utah.  As exciting as that sounds, excited is the last word I'd use to describe where my head's at right now. I have been and always will be one for new experiences, new places and all they entail...but the grounds for my move coupled with the alternatives I've chose against leaves me feeling nothing but upset.

You see, living in a place where work coincides with play has always been a dream of my for some time. When I say coincides i don't mean to say it's close, or easily accessible...they are instead one in the same. It is in this huge difference that much of my unsettling feelings arise. These feelings have only been magnified over the past couple weeks in my trying to explain myself to others...to no avail of course. That is understandable though...how can I expect others to truly empathize with my situation when they haven't felt what i've felt, seen what I've seen or experienced what I've experienced. I've felt and continue to feel the greatest happiness I've ever known or can imagine. I've seen some of the most beautiful things mother nature has to offer...and I see it everyday. Sitting here writing this is excruciating. I've experienced unparalleled highs, pushed my boundaries beyond my imagination and been as open as I can - all of which has lead to a great expansion of my consciousness and realizing what brings me the greatest joys in life. These things are simple and I love sharing them with others in work. This is a life I've always wanted and if I go through with PT school I'll be leaving it. That burns deep and the anxious pain sucks. The people I know and have met here live this life I speak of. It's not the normal path but it's certainly one where the priorities are aligned with mine. Financial stability and security are secondary to having fun and living life with the intent of doing that which we enjoy all the time. Sometimes I feel like those that are trying to 'help' me in this potential transition can't comprehend such a life and for that I am sorry, I am sorry for you all.

'Make a pro's and con's list...'
'You can't do this forever Nick'
'What if you get hurt?'
'You can have the best of both worlds'
'You'll thank us later'
'You're thinking all with your heart and not with your head'
'You're too smart to not go'

These are just some of these things I've been told recently. The lack of support alone is upsetting to me. What if I bail on school and actually do what I want? Seems like many would be unhappy with me huh? That hurts. I've only had one friend who didn't try to talk me out of doing what I want...school or not. Thank you.

What if being an instructor was lucrative? Would you all be so concerned with my future then? I'd venture to say not.

I'm frightened. 3 years is a long time for someone who's gone through what I have. One week is a long time for someone who's gone through what I have. Anytime is a long time when it's a full-time commitment to something I haven't wanted for some time now.

This is starting to stray and my emotions are scrambling my thoughts every which way. Until next time, I'll continue on this single wide...

A moment of eternity

Yesterday I sat atop a ridgeline in Mount Rainiers shadow. It was Silver Basin, or the beach as we call it. A large open bowl whose nickname is fitting given the endless waves you could ride. We were there to celebrate the life of a lost brother. We burned a blazing fire for a man who passed away doing what he loved last year -- skiing. I was with two of my best friends here and it was naturally a time for some reflection. 'Man we live an awesome life' Justin uttered to Curtis. I couldnt agree more. This was something I would've never known about had I not been as involved as I am now. Moments like this make it so hard to think about a future elsewhere.

We then all strapped in our respective boards and skis preparing to do what we all loved just as much as that man. 'Yee-haws' and 'Ya hoos' were screamed as we barrelled down the hill floating on top of uncountable fillings of one of mother natures miracles.

I was snowboarding.

20 foot cornice drop to the softest of landings.
Surfing the snow anywhich way I decided followed -- slash, splash and power through!
Jump, air, grab, stomp and ride away!
We came to a near vertical chute...when in doubt point it out.
'Deep Breathe' as my heart raced, here we go!
Going from what felt like 0-60 I dropped the chute and the rush left me smiling wide
this is just ONE small example of this life dude...

This is it...